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The Mighty Asks We want to hear your story. Louis Scarantino is a young man on the autism spectrum. He grew up in Northeastern Pennsylvania having a tough high school life. He overcame that by attending Luzerne County Community College. He graduated in cum laude also receiving an award in his major for the Most Outstanding Student in Office Information Technology.
When you have an invisible disability, the first challenge is getting other people to believe you — to encourage them to express empathy for someone else. After that, though, you need to learn to listen to how your disability may negatively impact them — that is, to show the very empathy for others that you insist on receiving.
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I've consistently confronted this dual task when writing about being on the autism spectrum, a task that can be especially sensitive if rewarding when discussing dating with autism. Indeed, my first article published at Salon discussed autism and dating. That was more than four years ago. When my writing career began in , I never dreamed that I would open up about being on the autism spectrum, much less delve into the vulnerable details of my personal life. Yet the subject proved popular and was cathartic to discuss, so I periodically returned to it over the years. Starting on August 28, , a new chapter began.
On that day, I entered a long-term relationship with my current girlfriend, Charlotte. It took me awhile to develop the nerve to ask her about what she has learned while dating an autistic man, with what is colloquially known as Asperger's Syndrome. Before we started dating, I shared a pair of articles with her that I had written on the subject.
I think whether or not it would keep me from dating one mostly rides on what exactly his autism was like, and how it manifested itself. But that would be true for any trait someone could have. Depends on their adjustment. I couldn't do it.
What dating an autistic man is like | Autism Support Network
Most I could handle was a year and it really started taking a toll on me. I had multiple breakdowns and anxiety attacks. I tried self medicating with marijuana and soon I just snapped and had a bad mental breakdown. He's a sweetheart but I didn't get any emotional support or comfort. I wouldn't go for it. I need my man to be romantic and he would need to be socially well-adjusted for that. I wouldn't have romantic feelings for an autistic guy.
What dating an autistic man is like
Hmm, I am a girl on the autistic spectrum, and I think I am fairly romantic. In a relationship I made drawings and cards and wrote love letters and poems for him. I brought him his favorite sweet coffee in bed on the weekends, made lunch for his workdays and often sneaked in a treat and did a drawing on the lunchbox.
I liked to have dinners prepared and lit candles. I occasionally just sprung up to cuddle him, and I bought him little gifts all the time. I send him sweet texts during the day, asked how he had been, and listened to his complains about coworkers. I would have brought him flowers, but he was allergic so that didn't happen. I would not do it again, I went on two dates with an autistic guy and it was a huge no. I have Aspergers myself I am high functioning enough to pass as neurotypical. But that is just ONE guy right? You also wouldn't serve off all NT's just because some suck a lot.
Note, I have also served off a lot of autistic guys. They are often attracted to me, but I am not to them. I have aspergers but tend to fall for guys who are very feminine and have high levels of emotional intelligence. The only relationship I've ever been in where I truly felt that the other person "got" me was with an autistic person. We are total opposites in many ways, but the way we think and feel is eerily similar. I once dated a guy with Asperger's.
I didn't even find out about his diagnosis until I'd already known him a good while.
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